I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
