If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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