It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
