ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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