we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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