So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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