nutella sex= disaster
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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