oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
