She's JV to your varsity
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
