operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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