My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
not ubering you a puppy
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
