Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
