I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
