wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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