sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Terrible idea I love it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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