is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
