grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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