The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
