Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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