I need help removing her.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
