i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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