Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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