It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
