He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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