No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
