i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
