I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
