Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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