Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
