I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just pee around me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh god it's open bar.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize