you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
