Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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