My Higher Power is John Stamos
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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