I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize