He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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