If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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