I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
