I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
