well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
