I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you bring me the toilet please
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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