Sry I called you an 8
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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