Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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