butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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