his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Still dying that you shit outside
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
