your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize