can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
