Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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