How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
