When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm always down for nudity.
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