You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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