Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize