We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
