i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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