I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
