We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
