listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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