Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
