i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
