I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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