the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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