Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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