We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize