dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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