Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
