You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
