i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
