Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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