We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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