He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
my liver is dry heaving
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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