Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
