i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize