the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
