I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
