You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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