i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
