I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
