I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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