Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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