did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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