You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
