What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
