is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
