I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
