Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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