just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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