Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
