Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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