Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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