I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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