it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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