We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
where are my eyebrows?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
