walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
