I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
