I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
