When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm really busy with my period
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